The man in the mirror

I had a moment today where I looked in the mirror and for the first time since I started this healthier journey I thought I could really SEE the difference in the person looking back in the mirror.  The stomach looked a little smaller, there seemed to be a bit less lumps and curves in the outline and yes, even the face looked a bit thinner. 

Then something that I’m not really comfortable with set in…

Fear…

I’ve spent so much of my life being the bigger, if not the biggest person; what happens if, no… when, I reach those goals? 

A lot of my identity is being larger than everyone.  I never had a fight, outside of football practice field, because no one wanted to mess with the larger guys. 

Then I rationalized things a little more.

I’m always going to be one of the bigger guys; I’m tall and fairly strong.  My build, I think I’ve mentioned before, isn’t going to allow me to be the Matthew Mcconaughey (First name I could come up with after couple minutes of thinking) size.

Speaking of size, I’m also weighing in today as tomorrow finds me off of work to help out a friend with some of his home projects.  So here’s to hoping that 50 lbs. has managed to drop off a day earlier so that can be another goal I can cross off the list.  I realize, looking back that I’ve spoken a bit about goals.  I’ve set a lot of goals, and have added more to them as time went by.  The point of each goal is to give me something to work towards.  It’s never something that I deep down know I most likely will fail at because that’s not the point.  That’s part of the reason I didn’t include P90X into my plan regularly.  I know that come the 3^rd or 4^th week I’ll have to be switching something around or have to skip and make up a workout here and there and mentally that will lead me to a sense of failure.  Something like 2 miles a day walking/biking/hiking/getyurarsemoving I can do….I can do the 2 miles during my breaks at work.  Not all these goals have to be shared; they don’t even have to be written down, though it does help.

So whatever it is, stick to it.  Yes, as I’ve found, there will be moments where you have to stop and realize that there is a change happening to you and with that change may come fear or any other human response.  But that’s okay, keep plugging through it and you’ll be able to conquer more and more with each step.